


Kanade

by manubibi



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Future Fic, Gonna add more as I continue, M/M, Melancholy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-12-29 19:18:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18300365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manubibi/pseuds/manubibi
Summary: “Nagisa-kun, I need to speak to you.”Rei’s voice sounds restrained through the phone. Like his vocal chords spent a long time still and they’re just now learning how to vibrate again. And it is very weird. Spring just started, school is ending and they’ll have two whole weeks to relax before applying for university.Very wonky attempt at writing something edging into adulthood, might fail miserably but hey, it's fanfiction.Summary is also a work in progress, might change as I post more.





	1. Chapter 1

“Nagisa-kun, I need to speak to you.”  
Rei’s voice sounds restrained through the phone. Like his vocal chords spent a long time still and they’re just now learning how to vibrate again. And it _is_ very weird. It’s spring and it just started, school is ending and they’ll have two whole weeks to relax before applying for university.   
“O...kay?” Nagisa hums, looking at the pencil he was chewing on, while absent-minded and trying to focus on this literature paragraph. But it’s been an exhausting day, swimming tired him out more than usual, and even though the end of his third year is approaching, it almost seems like the drive to pull through to the end is apparently vanishing. Like he’s really putting in the work to keep his grades decent since his parents threatened to pull him from the swim team, but… is it really worth it anymore, now that it’s basically over? Plus, him and Rei have really been doing double the work they did last year, and now it almost seems like they might fall apart, between studying and keeping the morale high through weekends out and training camps and motivating and supporting their new teammates. And on top of that, for all the talk he used to do about future projects, now there is a very real choice to make. He’s had to go from here to there looking at all his options, there are a _lot_ of them and none of them really seems attractive at all anymore, not as much as he expected. But he has to fill out that file for his future projects. And it’s exhausting.   
He’s so not used to this. Neither to having to think about the future in serious and immediate terms, and also Rei talking to him in that cryptic way right now, saying something that for some reason really catches Nagisa’s attention.  
“Can you drop by my place tomorrow?”  
Nagisa’s expression scrunches at hearing that new line.  
“Of course, but… what’s it about?”  
Rei doesn’t respond for a few long seconds, and Nagisa could almost see his face as he struggles. Something is very, very wrong.  
“I’ll tell you tomorrow. I can’t tell you through the phone, I’m sorry. It’s not the proper way.”  
And obviously, Nagisa’s face goes pale, with blood rushing away from his usually plump, healthily colorful cheeks.  
 _He’s breaking up with me. I’ve been harassing him too much lately, and he’s grown tired of me, and I really should not have been that annoying to him especially with the last few days coming, and it’s all my fault_ -  
“It’s not that bad,” Rei adds, and Nagisa’s eyes blow wide.  
 _Did I say that out loud_?  
“What?”  
“I know what you’re thinking,” and there’s a certain softness in Rei’s voice. “It’s… not that. But I can’t tell you on the phone.”  
“Oh, please, cut it out, Rei-chan, if you don’t tell me now I’ll be thinking about it all night and tomorrow I’ll be sleeping all morning and I’ll get yelled at and-”  
“Okay,” Rei cuts him short eventually. “Okay, fine.”  
He takes a long, deep breath, and Nagisa can again picture him as he struggles to find words.  
“I… received a proposal, from a university overseas. I’m planning to take it.”  
Nagisa blinks. The words don’t make sense, he heard them but their placement within the sentence seems to be all wrong. Of course he knew this could happen. After all Rin left a long time ago for Australia, it was not the first time one of his friends was going to leave home. And he did not get any invitation from any university, really, nevermind universities abroad. He could try applying to the same school, but- Rei is leaving. His memory travels all the way back to his last year in primary school, without Makoto and Haruka. They left too, and that was inevitable. He remembers swimming on his own in the pool, missing the relays and Makoto’s gentle smile in the water, Haruka’s eyes pairing up so well with the color of it.  
“Nagisa-kun? Ah, I knew it…”  
“Don’t go,” he blurts out, realizing he’s been clenching his fist so tight that his knuckles went all white. “Don’t leave.”  
Silence from the other end, and then, “I knew it.”  
Nagisa sighs, leaning his forehead on the book.  
“Is it… a done deal? I mean… is that really what you plan on doing?”  
He can hear Rei’s breaths, and gives him time. This _is_ a break-up, after all. For all the plans he was blabbering about, he also made sure to tell everyone whatever career he would choose, he would pursue it in Japan. In the last year, the world became ten sizes bigger, and he became a hundred sizes smaller. So it would only make sense that Rei would become the one who’s larger than life. And he will make it. He will excel. Nagisa knows that as much as he knows tomorrow the sun will rise.   
And yet.  
“That is… yes. I could really build a large network abroad, and I could get so many more opportunities. I could do so much work outside of here. And then of course I would go back, though. It would just be a matter of a few years, not too long. I’m not breaking up with you, but I thought you should know.”  
Nagisa sighs, clenching his fist a little bit harder and placing it on his chest. At least to stop his heart from barging out of there in outrage.  
“But you are, though, Rei-chan,” he croaks, even though he did not tell his throat to get clenched. “You know what this would mean for me, and what I would have to say.”  
“No, I don’t,” Rei’s voice retorts, with a tense vibration. “I can’t actually read your mind, Nagisa-kun.”  
Another deep breath, and Nagisa’s back straightens again as he throws his head back, now staring at the ceiling.  
“I’m not doing a long-distance thing. That’s just not something I’m going to do, it’s not something I _can_ do. I just cannot, you know it.”  
Rei takes a long pause. He keeps quiet, and Nagisa can sense the tension grow to the point of almost snapping.  
“Can’t you even try?” Rei almost murmurs.  
“No,” Nagisa snaps, harsh even. “No, I can’t. Because I know what will happen. I’ll just spend all my days missing you and wanting to hug you and you won’t be there, I’ll want to talk to you and hold your hand and you’ll be… who knows how far away, and I’ll just have to… what, hug my pillow and pretend I’m hugging you? No, I’m not going to do that. It’s just not how I work, I’m not wired that way, I can’t do it.”  
“You seem to have done a lot of thinking about this,” Rei muses, and now as well Nagisa can picture his eyebrows knitting together, his expression so similar to the one he wears while trying to figure out a maths problem.  
“Well, I did consider it! And I knew this then just like I know it now, I can’t do that kind of thing. And trying wouldn’t be worth it, because I know how I deal with things and I know for a fact that I would be miserable without you close to me. It’s just how it is, I know it just as well as you know your chemistry stuff.”  
And then he takes a long breath before going on.  
“If this is what you’ll be doing, then… we really should break up, by the end of the year. At least I wouldn’t be trying to… survive something I can’t deal with. And you know I don’t mind thinking of what you need first, but this time I just can’t go through this. I need things too. And the thing I need the most is being able to reach you. I need to protect myself too, you know.”  
He can almost hear Rei swallowing, but nothing else comes through.  
“Anyway, don’t let me drag you down. I’m not trying to… keep you here, if you want to leave. I love you, Rei-chan. I love you, and I don’t want you to give up on things you want just because of me. Go, okay?”  
His voice begins shaking, and at this point there is no guarantee he’ll manage stopping it.  
“Nagisa-kun, can’t we really… work out some way to meet halfway? I don’t know, we could… videocall and stuff. There’s technology meant for long-distance relationships, there are… workarounds.”  
Nagisa’s voice goes almost too low to be heard. “Nothing can simulate hugging you, Rei-chan. There’s no technology for that.”  
He sighs, but there’s an ache in his chest he can’t breathe out. It seems the tension froze, like the vibrations in the air became still all of a sudden. But his guts still keep twisting.  
“Well… we still have a few weeks together, right?” Rei’s voice says, really low, really quiet.  
Ten pounds of bricks seem to fall in the pit of Nagisa’s stomach, from the inside.  
“Yeah.”

The next day slides by really slow. Like it’s planting its heels on the ground, unwilling to get dragged by, but fully willing to let itself weigh on Nagisa’s shoulders as he tries - and tries really hard - acting just as usual. Smiling. Joking. Laughing. Lounging across his desk in a display of boredom. But the hardest thing to do is brush his fingers against Rei’s hand as they walk side by side, as he always does. Just to remind himself Rei is there, at least for a little while longer. It’s usually a comfort, but now it’s a shot right through his stomach. And Rei knows, he knows full well, and his face is the worst thing of all. He looks like the image of pity, and that makes Nagisa’s heart clench. Every moment with Rei, now, hurts.  
Nagisa tries to say something, but no moment is good enough. Usually he’ll just spout whatever he wants to say, appropriate or not, yet now it seems wrong. And then his eyes begin escaping whenever Rei searches for them. He withdraws, his whole body does, more and more as the days roll by and they seem to pass by faster with each night flashing way too soon. They don’t really talk about it, their words get deflected by each other’s, when Rei approaches the subject with sly, soft steps, something keeps alerting Nagisa who’ll inevitably rush for cover, raising a shield in the form of a smile, a joke, his eyes turning away.  
Ayumu, Shizuru and Romio seem to notice, but Nagisa is way too good for them. And Rei attempts to be, with mildly satisfying results - unfortunately (or luckily, whatever), Gou knows them all too well by now.  
“Rei-kun,” she calls out after training, as Rei gets busy tidying the pool up after everyone else already left.  
His head tilts in her direction, and he gives her a little smile.  
“Gou- why are you still here? Go home, I’ll handle it here.”  
But her fingers wrap around his wrist, and she seems to ignore his surprised look as she pulls him to the bench facing the pool.  
“What…?”  
“What’s going on, Rei-kun?”  
Rei blinks fast, almost reeling back with a frown as if she physically just pushed him. _Caught you_.   
“What do you mean?” He hums, but she does catch a glimpse of his hands fidgeting.  
“Rei-kun, stop pretending. Something’s not right with you and Nagisa-kun.”  
Rei nibbles on his lip, but then he finally hunches over with his head between his hands.  
“We’re breaking up.”  
A long, quiet silence settles in between them, but finally Gou speaks, “why?”  
“I… got mail from a university in America. They want me, apparently someone was keeping an eye on me and recommending me to them.”  
Gou hums, looking at the darkening sky.  
“Well, I know you’re really good, but this is a surprise. A letter from another country? That’s… amazing, Rei-kun.”  
“Yeah,” Rei breathes out, rubbing his eyelids. “So it is implied that I would have to move, and I asked him whether he would accept to make our relationship a long-distance one for a few years.”  
Gou grimaces, knowing exactly what happened now.  
“And he said he won’t. I get it, you know,” she replies, and leans back while crossing her arms. “He seems to be physically unable to not be around you. I guess… with you on the other side of the ocean, it would make him go insane.”  
Rei hunches tighter in on himself, with his arms wrapping around his own stomach.  
“What should I do?”  
Gou looks at him, with her chest clenching, but she begins rubbing his back.  
“I think if he wants to break it up, then… you should let him go. It’s heartbreaking to see you two drift apart, but it’s probably how it’s supposed to be. We’re all still young, there’s going to be time for relationships.”  
Rei’s teeth clench, and he ruffles his own hair before looking back at her with the perfect image of stress all over his face.  
“But I want to be with him. I… keep thinking of some way to, but it would all really boil down to not leaving. And I want to. It’s such a great opportunity for me.”  
Gou gives him a gentle, little smile.  
“You don’t have to explain anything to me. Or Nagisa-kun, for that matter. What happens, happens. Is he pressuring you?” She asks, now frowning with suspicion, but Rei blinks, shaking his head.  
“No… no! He… he actually told me quite immediately that I should go my own way. I know he cares, but… it all just seems so illogical, why would he tell me to go if he really wants me to stay? I mean… it’s… and usually he just gets what he wants. He thinks of something he wants and just... gets it. If he really wanted to stay with me-”  
“Rei,” she snaps, clearly interrupting him, and he looks back at her. That’s a dangerously stupid thought. “He clearly just loves you and wants what’s best for you. And I think you should go as well, by the way. We all love you, but as you said… this is probably a one-in-a-lifetime chance, so don’t waste it.”  
Rei digs with his teeth on his lip, until it hurts and it threatens to bleed.  
“I can imagine it’s really hard, Rei-kun. I’m going to keep an eye on him, okay? Would that make you feel better?” She adds, still rubbing his back but softer.  
“Maybe. I don’t know. This all really… sucks,” he says, sounding tired.  
“I’m guessing he didn’t change his mind on staying here, right?” She asks, although there is really no point. If there was any chance…  
“Apparently not. He wants to stay and study Marine Science here, he’s said that many times. I think he mentioned Nagasaki University.”  
Gou nods, remembering their dreamy conversations about the future.  
“He wants to study the animals in our sea,” she echoes, and then nods again. “Well… it does seem like he has a plan as well.” Rei grimaces.  
“Yes.”  
A brief silence wraps them up again, but he breaks it again quite soon.  
“I mean, I’m happy for him. He… really seems to be determined this is what he wants. I think he really just wants to work with penguins, so I’d say he would have to go study abroad as well at some point, just… not in America, or if he did he would go to the Falkland Islands or something.” He keeps his eyes pinned to the wet floor. “And even in that case that would still be very far away from where I would be living. I mean, Massachusetts is really on the opposite end of the continent, the only place further north would basically be Canada. And by then I think a few years would have gone by.”  
He pauses, but then shakes his head.  
“I think it’s over.”  
Gou looks at him, and finally she hugs his arm, sighing softly as she figures they both have their ideas quite clear, so all she could do now is look over them. And Rei seems like the one who would need support the most, from the way he looks and how hard he’s been trying to act like everything is alright, for a while. Nagisa is the expert on that, though. She should hand it to him.

But on graduation day, Nagisa perches on a seat on the opposite row from where Rei sits, looking all composed. None of them hear a word of what’s being said, both of them stay seated way after everyone got up, to the point where a teacher inches closer to Nagisa, asking him whether he’s okay. He fooled everyone, but Gou kept eyeing him from her seat, with a concerned frown.  
“Yes, I’m okay. I just got distracted.”  
Distracted is the key word for the next few days, they slip by faster and faster and Nagisa spends them lying in bed or playing videogames or watching anime and absolutely refusing to get out of his bedroom outside of meals. Because he’s resting, he says. He deserves some alone time after studying so much, and there’s time to send in his university application. Apparently that’s good enough for his mom, so it’s good enough for his dad too.  
But Gou barges in his bedroom after somehow she hears that Nagisa shut himself in, and shuts the door quietly behind her.  
She looks at him, all curled up in a ball as he snuggles a big teddy bear, and she just stares until he finally takes a glance at her.  
He sighs, hugging his toy a little bit tighter, as he looks away again with a grimace.  
He’s used to this. He’s used to Gou yelling at him, telling him that he’s an idiot - in kinder terms, of course - but mostly just being really annoyed at him.  
Instead, he senses her fingers while they begin petting through his hair quietly, and the mattress shifts under her weigh.  
“Nagisa-kun, you know you can talk to me, right?”  
Nagisa’s eyelids lower just slightly, as he tightens his hold around the giant soft plush, and his arms start aching a bit.  
His lips part, words attempt an escape, and yet his mouth shuts again, but Gou does notice a glimmer in his eyes.  
“Are you going to see him off?”  
His eyes close. His face gets buried in the fluff, and Gou presses her lips together.  
“I think you should, you know. I mean, I know it’s hard, but I think he’ll really be hurt if you don’t.”  
And still her fingers keep brushing his head, and Nagisa seems to only grow more tense. So she stops talking.  
She saw Rei too. And he’s just as crushed. She saw him torn apart, she saw dark circles under his eyes and she knows it’s because of this, and because of the stress - moving to another country must be hard to plan and do, and he’s just peeked into adulthood. And it surely isn’t helping that Nagisa seems to not be talking to him anymore. Not that any of them is even trying.  
And it’s not their fault, not really. Nagisa knows it, she knows there is no resentment. She knows it’s all just how it was clearly meant to be. She knows this happens a lot, to a lot of people. But she did not expect to see this happen between _these_ two specific people. She saw them inch closer to each other, she was there when they got together, she saw them begin dating, she was there for sleepovers with them and smiled quietly as she knew they were cuddling in the dark. She covered for them. She was their accomplice as they snuck in various places in school just to steal a few kisses from each other.   
That was exciting, and cute - this is quite the opposite. A predictable low after a high that lasted way too much. Even if she wanted to say something more, there is nothing coming to her mind. Only white noise. She never even entertained the idea of Nagisa and Rei breaking up until she saw them doing so, but she never really predicted it would ever happen - from the first moments, she was convinced they would grow old together, maybe break up at some point but still be by each other’s side. And yes, there’s a whole lifetime ahead of all of them. But now the real problem to wonder about is, will they have time or space for each other in the future? Will they even keep in touch, given how things are now?  
It sucks. It just really sucks.  
“You know, I kind of expected it,” Nagisa finally murmurs, lifting his face from his inanimate companion, and he starts playing with its scarf.  
“What do you mean?” She asks, with a slightly surprised frown. For a moment, she’d grown convinced he would never speak again.  
And then he wears an expression she never saw on his face. Acceptance.  
“Everyone always leaves me, eventually. It makes sense Rei-chan would too.”  
Gou clenches her teeth, ruminating on it for a moment. Yes, he’s not blaming anyone. But yes, that’s definitely self-pity.  
“Oh, don’t be like that. You’re stubborn as a rock just like always, I mean… why don’t you just go as well? Take a flight as well! Go and study abroad too!” She says, but her voice doesn’t sound too harsh. She knows that’s-  
“That’s not how it works, Gou-chan. I don’t want to do that. And Rei-chan wouldn’t want me to do it, either.”  
“Then, then…”  
This is what trying to grasp at straws would look like.  
“It’s okay. He’s leaving, so it can’t be helped,” Nagisa adds, and finally takes a big breath. “Yeah... I might go see him off, after all.”  
Gou looks down at him and she knows it intimately well - this is just another front. But digging deeper would be simply impossible. She wondered so many times how Nagisa built so many walls around him and why, yet she had to accept she’ll never see past all of them.  
Maybe she shouldn’t ask to. That belongs to someone else.  
“Good,” she replies, with a soft smile, and starts petting and playing with his soft hair again.

April explodes with the last showers of cherry petals, and Rei muses about the application he’s sent a while ago as he looks at them. About the confirmation he will have to leave, about what he plans to move with, about all the procedures to move on the opposite end of the ocean. Maybe he will do what Rin-san did - go to the beach and feel a little closer to home, knowing Iwatobi is on the other side, somewhere. And Nagisa will be there.  
But he hears his voice now and he turns to look as a very familiar tuft of blond hair bounces in his vision, and then he spots Gou as well. And there’s Ayumu too, and Shizuru, and Romio, and they all overwhelm him with words and he catches onto very few of them as he focuses on looking at Nagisa without crying. He looks like a wreck, no matter how he tries not to. He looks like all the joy he’s been exhuding since the first time they met became the measure for how directly proportional his misery should be. A balancing act of some sort.  
Finally, in the middle of chatting, Nagisa moves from his petrified stance - he lounges forward, wrapping his arms around Rei’s frame in between Ayumu yelping with surprise and the guys looking on a bit baffled, but Gou just looks at him with her lips pressing together. Rei blinks with surprise as well, for a moment, but finally his arms wrap around him and he shuts his eyes tight, holding onto him as his knees wobble, almost too weak all of a sudden to allow him to stand up all on his own.  
“What’s going on?” Shizuru asks, tilting his head.  
“Shut up,” Ayumu barks, glaring at him, and that would almost be comical if Nagisa and Rei did not look like they were holding each other together to avoid crumbling.  
But then, at the end of an uncomfortably long time, Nagisa lets go. Rei lets him go as well. He somehow managed not bursting into tears, but the physical sensation of Nagisa’s arms wrapped around him still lingers, and his eyes lower, unable to meet any of the others’.  
“Well… thank you. It really means a lot that you all came to see me off.” Makoto, Haruka, Rin… they could not come. But he stored their well-wishing messages, made backup copies of them, he knows they’re wishing him the best as much as the people in front of him are.  
He glances over to Nagisa who seems to be incredibly fascinated by an advertising screen, and then to Gou who’s looking at him while trying to not cry in their place, probably.  
“Good luck, Rei-senpai!” Romio peeps, with a wide smile.  
Rei looks at him with a soft one and a nod, then a voice announces to them that it’s really time for him to go. Nagisa takes a step back, then two. He hesitates, steals just one more look towards Rei, then turns around and takes off wading almost violently through the cloud while Rei looks at him, deflating. But Gou takes over, telling the brand new senior high schoolers to go see what’s up with him.  
Once she’s alone with Rei, she finally hugs him too, rubbing his back a lot harder than before, now.  
“Good luck, Rei. Although I know you won’t need it, you’re a genius. It’ll all be alright. Listen to me, it will.”  
Rei lets out the deepest sigh of his life, probably, while nodding exhausted.  
“Try to cheer up, okay? You can’t start uni like this,” she adds, and gifts him with a smile.  
Rei swallows, taking a few more deep breaths.  
“I’m scared.”  
“I know. You’ll be okay though, we all know it.”  
And now, Rei’s eyes finally get wet. He holds back, but she sees it and she rubs his shoulder.  
“Hey…”  
“Do keep an eye on Nagisa-kun, alright?” Rei croaks, wiping his eyes.  
 _Oh_ … Gou’s eyes fill up with tears as well, but she nods instead of letting them roll down her cheeks.  
“Of course. Don’t worry about it. Worry about yourself.”  
Another announcement seems to urge Rei to the gates personally, and Gou looks in his eyes.  
“Come on, go.”  
Rei’s hand clenches around the handle of his huge suitcase, but then he nods.  
“Okay. I’ll see you at some point, Gou.”  
She nods, pushing his chest.  
“Sure. Leave though, or you’ll miss your flight.”  
He still seems to linger a little bit longer, scanning the crowd for maybe another glimpse of the others, but it seems they all left.  
“Okay.”  
He turns his back, looking tense, and drags it all in the opposite direction through a hurried crowd.  
And then he’s gone. When he gets there, it’ll still be spring but he’ll be far away from the warm place he calls home.


	2. Chapter 2

Time, it rushed past him so fast, and yet looking at it materializing itself now, it almost seems like it was here centuries ago, looking back at him with heavy, weary eyes.  
Yet, a soft smile of fondness tilts his lips as he walks by the gates of his old high school. It looks a bit different now, the banners cheering for the teams yell in big letters about names he’s never heard of before, but such is life. A decade is a long time, and he would not be surprised to walk in and see everything is different inside the school too. He could almost see the crowded halls right now, at lunch break as teens rushed along the halls to reach whatever spot they liked best for lunch. _He_ doesn’t look the same from back then, after all. The years of studies made his muscles weaken, and that’s why he goes for a jog every weekend, why he always tries to go places by foot or bycicle. His body remembers, maybe yearns for the activity it used to do. The shape of his face is different, every trait in it and his expression looks a little bit different. The frames for his eyeglasses have a different shape now, their angles are a little bit softer. His hair is a little bit longer - just enough to be noticed, but not too much.   
The ITSC is not too far away. That’s where his best memories are.  
He heard good things, so far. It’s almost unbelievable how his team was the one to kickstart a fever in all the children and their parents to get into it. It’s incredible that it’s still there, on its feet, and he walks in with a bit of reverence. At least inside it did not change much. There is just more color, more pictures scattered along the walls, and more noise from the pools.  
“Hello,” he says with a smile to the young woman behind the counter with long purple hair and a sweet look.   
“Hi! Are you a parent?”   
“Oh… oh, no, I used to come here. Just wanted to take a look at how things are going,” he replies, his smile getting wider, and his chest inflates with pride. He looks at the wall where pictures from all the teams and their victories are covering almost every blank space, and his eyes settle on a picture he knows very well. He remembers the crowd’s screams as his team huddled together, crying before the picture was taken. His hand goes to his chest, as that joy bursts in it again, just for a moment, and then nostalgia inevitably takes over.   
“See? That was me,” he says when the lady at the counter comes closer. There are no parents or other people in the room anyway.  
“Oh! Right! It _is_ you! So you used to be in Nanase-san’s same team!” She coos, blinking with wonder. “You know, I was a small kid back then. I think Tachibana-san coached me for a bit, he was such a good teacher!”   
Rei smiles.  
“I mean, he still is, right?” She adds, blushing a little.   
Rei nods, looking back at her.  
“That’s what I hear.”  
Although he hasn’t heard much for a few years. Everyone sort of drifted apart, and how could he blame them? Everyone’s so busy, and they’re all scattered who knows how far apart in the country, or in the world. Who knows where Rin-san and Haruka-san are. The last time he heard of them, they were back in Tokyo.   
His gaze shifts to the hallway leading to the pool as the delighted squeaks of kids echo through it. His lips can’t help but tilt - happy kids swimming, having fun. Good for them.   
“And what about Nanase-san! Did you see him at the Olympics?”   
Rei glances over at her, nodding. He does. He remembers putting everything work-related aside every time there was a race, and holding his fists closed all tight. Focusing on the small figure, recognizing the beauty in his stroke. It got a lot more technical, but it still looked like Haruka, swimming with the same harmonious joy he always had in the water. But winning matters, now. And of course, he also followed Rin’s races. His aggressive way of cutting through the water like an arrow, like a predator rushing after its prey. That kind of hunger exploded through the screen, he could almost feel the water around him as he watched. He was not there to see them win, though. Like for their first, really significant victory since Rei became a part of their life, he was far away, just looking from a distance. 

And then the past slaps him right across the face.  
A colorful blur flashes at the corner of his eyes and he looks as a figure walks in, a figure he still knows very well, that's looking at him.  
“Oh!”   
Something heavy drops in the pit of his stomach. Blinking magenta eyes, a halo of blond hair, a face with a gentle shape.   
“Rei-chan?”   
Nagisa’s eyes keep blinking, like he just saw a ghost. It takes Rei a while before saying anything back. It’s just too surprising, and this image of Nagisa is so different from the one he remembers. So weird. Of course, he’s still Nagisa. Clearly. His clothes are quite colorful although not as vivid as before, and it looks they are all really soft and comfortable, but his body changed so much. He’s not the scrawny kid he was in high school, finally his growth spurt came and his body grew to match his muscle mass - now, he really does look grown up. And, looking at him better, he doesn’t have that softness anymore. The look of a completely ridiculous child, with wonder constantly lighting his eyes.   
He’s different. His voice dipped a lot lower than he remembers, his hair a bit longer and not as wild as it used to be. His stance is not as open as it was. He stares at Rei with a look of surprise that really reminds him of the boy he walked back from school and spent most of his days with, though.   
“Nagisa-kun, I didn’t expect to see you… here,” he finally says, and the woman next to them looks over with lifted eyebrows before inching closer to the picture Rei was looking at.  
“Ah, Hazuki-san! You’re a bit early,” she says touching his arm. He looks back at her, blinking again, and then gives her a quick smile.   
"Oh. Yes, I know, I just always worry about being late.”  
“Hehe, I get it. Well, sit over there if you want, it’ll be a while anyway!”   
Rei’s eyebrows knit together in confusion as he looks at Nagisa take a seat by the teams’ picture wall. What would Nagisa be doing here, apparently on a regular basis?   
“Are you... coaching the kids?” That’s a pretty ridiculous shot in the dark, but Nagisa looks at him with laughter in his eyes as he sits by him.  
“No.” He scratches his head, looking away. “No, I’m just hear to pick up my daughter.”

_Daughter. Daugther... DAUGHTER_?!   
Rei’s heart stops for a moment, his jaw dropping as his eyes go wide. He must have gotten that wrong. He pauses for a few moments - this is something he never expected to hear. Not so soon anyway. Nagisa as a dad... he could have never imagined _that_.  
“Excuse me?!” He almost screeches, and Nagisa giggles softly at him.   
“I have a daughter and she swims here. It’s kind of weird that you don’t know.”   
Rei keeps staring at him, in complete, utter disbelief. It absolutely is weird, but who cares for the fact nobody told him? That’s not what’s shocking him, here.  
“What?!”   
“Yeah!” Nagisa repeats, and giggles even harder, somewhat delighted by Rei’s reaction. “She’s my little princess. She saw a recording of Haru-chan’s race and she was like, ‘I want to do that’. Kind of like you.”   
The fondness in his voice doesn’t escape Rei’s ears, but he only has one thing crashing through all of his thoughts.  
“No, okay, but… what? You’re a dad? You have kids?  _ You _ ?”   
Nagisa tilts his head, with a little frown even though the smile lingers. The amusement seems to lighten now. Is it _really_  that odd?  
“Yes. What’s so weird about that?”   
Rei takes a deep breath, and red flares all over his face.   
“I-I… okay, sorry, it’s just… I’m really surprised. You… I remember you were the childish one. It’s just… weird. I haven’t seen you in such a long time, and… wow.”   
Nagisa looks at him stammer with a softened gaze, and then takes a deep sigh.   
“Yeah. A lot of things changed while you weren’t here.”  
And that’s when a subtle guilt stabs at Rei’s chest again after such a long, long time. His lips press together, his eyes turning to the floor as his shoulders hunch.   
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t here.”   
Nagisa says nothing for a few seconds, but eventually speaks again.  
“So what have  _ you _ been up to? Gou-chan told me you were really successful, over there.”   
Rei sighs, rubbing his eyelids from under his glasses.   
“I got a degree, went around a bit. Collaborated on a few projects… and ended up in engineering and counseling in the renewable energy field. It was interesting because that field was really taking off at that point...”  
He looks back at Nagisa, who smiles at him again, and there is something warm in his eyes.   
“I see. Guess renewable fuels is an application for what you were doing, right? Bio-something?”   
“Biochemistry, yes. I got back to work in the Japanese market. You know, I decided we really could do great things here, plus my colleagues are all working in the US so there’s enough of us there.” He fidgets a little. “And also I missed home,” he adds, with a bit of pink on his face. He would not have said that to anyone who wasn’t Nagisa, maybe.  
Nagisa laughs softly, with a nod.   
“Yes… I can imagine.”   
“What are you doing then?” Rei asks, really curious at this point.   
“Oh, nothing fancy. But I guess what I’m doing is also… relevant to the same purpose you work for. I’m in a project for cleaning up the ocean. You know, we pick up the trash, clean the water little by little, rescue beached dolphins… things like that.”   
Rei hums, and nods with a little smile.  
“That’s important too. What about the penguins?”  
Nagisa bursts in a flurry of giggles, shifting on the seat.   
“Oh, you remember I wanted to do that! Well,” he begins, gesticulating, and for a moment it seems like he went back, getting ten years younger. “I worked with them a bit! My wife actually worked at this company and had contacts all over Japan and at some point she had the opportunity to oversee a penguin bar and, you know, make sure they would be treated well, so I got over there for a bit and kept an eye on them. And if you think I didn’t exploit the chance to play with them, then you really don’t know me at all,” he adds, with a little wink.   
Rei could imagine that. It makes absolute sense. Nagisa playing with penguins and making sure they’re well-fed and happy. Sounds like him.  
But a word stabbed through every other thought-  
“ _Wife_?” He repeats, again taken aback. He's only seen Nagisa for less than five minutes and already two big pieces of news were dropped on him, unceremoniously, just like that.  
Nagisa rolls his eyes, raising his eyebrows and then laughing.  
“Well, where did you think my princess came from? I know I’m awesome, but I can’t generate life by myself.”   
Rei presses his lips together for a bit.  
“Right.”  
Right, of course. Nagisa had a child. Which means Nagisa conceived a child with someone. Which means there’s someone Nagisa loves. Which means Nagisa  _ did _ get over Rei leaving, after all.  “What… what’s her name?” He asks, clenching his fist nervously.   
A cold wind seems to blow all around him even though the temperature is as pleasant as it could be, and the change happens almost immediately.  
Nagisa looks at him quietly for a bit, and then looks to the door, to the outside, mouthing something before speaking out again.   
“Why are you interrogating me about my love life?”  
Rei swallows, and bites his lip.   
“No, it’s just…”   
“Listen, we’re over. Right? You made sure that would happen. So don’t pry into this.”   
Rei’s eyes blow wide, and his jaws clench.   
“Hey, that’s unfair and you know it,” he replies.   
“Whatever, this isn’t the place for this,” Nagisa cuts him off, looking at him with an irritation Rei never saw in his eyes.   
Rei glances over to the girl by the counter, who seems to be minding her own business.   
And then takes a deep breath, about to say something, but the sound of a lot of tiny steps comes through the hallway and then a sharp, loud voice pierces through the others.  
“Daddyyyyyyyy~❀❀❀”  
A tiny ball of blond with a strong scent of strawberries seems to crash against Nagisa’s chest and a smile quickly grows back on his lips as he wraps his arms around her.   
“Hey, Mami-chan, had fun?”   
Rei looks at the girl as she nods energetically and starts pouring words on Nagisa. Her hair is truly the most noticeable part of her - long, curly, and taking up a lot of space around her. And then he notices her green, big eyes, round face, but especially her enthusiasm and energy. That especially proves she’s Nagisa’s kid more than the hair, the soft nose, the eyes’ shape and all the other traits she got from him.   
“... And then he fell on his butt.”   
The way Nagisa’s looking intently and nodding at her as he fixes her hair, that is so familiar. The way he smiles is, too. But there is a gentleness- better yet, a  _ prudence _ in his gestures that seems to be telling Rei there are a lot of pieces of the story he’s still missing.   
“Make sure you don’t run around the pool, or you’ll also fall on your butt,” he says, giving her hair a few more touches.   
“Yes, dad. I know. You always say that!”   
“Well, I used to swim before you did, and I fell on my butt a lot, you know. It hurts.”  
Mamiko seems to completely ignore him as she finally turns her big green eyes on Rei.   
“Who is he?” She says, as loudly as before, pointing her little finger at him.   
“Don’t point-”  
“My name is Rei-chan. I used to swim in the same team with your dad… we were good friends,” Rei says, with a little smile, and Nagisa’s figure tenses up a bit.   
_ Oh.. _ .  
“Were?” Mamiko repeats, with her shrill, acute voice, and her head tilts followed by her entire mane. “Aren’t you friends anymore?”   
That is one perceptive kid.   
“Oh… oh, no, we are. We’re still really good friends,” Rei blurts out, giving Nagisa a tiny panicked look.   
“Mamiko-”   
“Come have dinner at our place! I’ve never seen you, I want to hear about daddy when he was like me!”   
“Mamiko, don’t-”   
Nagisa’s voice comes out a bit embarrassed, and his face is gradually turning all red.   
“Well, we weren’t that young. I only met him in high school,” Rei says, with a quiet smile. "You should ask Makoto and Haruka."  
“Whatever! We’re always so alone at home, come keep us comp-!”   
“Mamiko,” Nagisa says, dry, cutting through her words. “He said no. Don’t be pushy.”  
She looks back at him, with a full-on frown, and this time she really shouts.  
“It’s true though! We’re always so alone and you never invite anyone over and you-”  
“Let’s go home,” Nagisa says, sounding weary all of a sudden. “Please, Mami-chan. Stop. Please, okay?”   
Rei’s eyes blow wider and wider at hearing the conversation. Nagisa, alone? That doesn’t sound right. There is no reason for him to be alone. And wasn’t he--  
“We’re going home. It was nice seeing you again, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, standing up, holding Mamiko’s hand with the same smile he would always wear when he got a good grade, or when he lost a race, or when Rei told him something a bit insensitive. Something’s wrong, and Rei’s chest thumps at the knowledge of that. It’s just too clear, it’s evidenced in the crease of Nagisa’s brows, the lines on his forehead, the tiny hint of a vein showing up a bit on his temple. Rei never saw that.   
“Nagisa-kun, can I keep in touch with you?” Rei asks following Nagisa outside, and Mamiko nods her head, curls bouncing everywhere.   
“Yes! So you could come have dinner at our place! Daddy, say yes!”   
Nagisa leans back, and finally draws a deep sigh.   
“Fine. I’ll give you my number. Because… I changed it, at some point.”   
So that was why his phone number stopped existing, at least that is according to the robotic voice replying to him every time he tried calling him in the last few years.   
“That sounds good. And you should have mine, I didn’t change it.”  
What  _ doesn’t _ sound good is… everything else. Rei’s eyebrows tilt up with concern as he looks at Nagisa, and the more Nagisa tries smiling, the more he knows something wrong is going on. And something else that is starting to really concern Rei is… how deeply he still cares. An hour ago he had no concerns relating to Nagisa, and now it’s all coming back from those days when Rei would run as fast as he could across the whole town just because Makoto said something was wrong with Nagisa. At some point he had the strength to fly all the way across the world, and he never ran back like that. Because life, because work, because so many things kept him from doing so. And maybe something was happening to Nagisa and he wasn’t there.   
He clenches his fist again, and nods while getting his phone and typing Nagisa’s number in.   
“It’s so funny,” Nagisa says, with a soft voice again. “You’re still calling me Nagisa-kun.”  
Rei looks up from the screen, and gives him a little smile back.   
“You’re still calling me Rei-chan.”  
Nagisa seems to melt for a moment, and his smile mirrors Rei’s.   
“Because Rei-chan is Rei-chan. Right Mamiko?” Nagisa says, his daughter looking between them, all curious, hanging onto every word.   
“Right. I guess?” She says, with a shrug. “That's his name, so Rei-chan is Rei-chan." And then, without missing a beat, "Daddy, let’s have pizza!”   
Nagisa sighs, rolling his eyes.   
“We had pizza yesterday,” he protests, his voice as soft and calm as it was before.   
“Yes, but that was yesterday. Pizza.”   
Nagisa looks at Rei, and Rei laughs at the exasperation in his eyes.   
“Hey, let’s do this: when I come eat at your place I’ll bring pizza. And it’ll be on me. Does that sound good?” Rei asks, looking down at her.   
Nagisa mouths a ‘thank you’ as Mamiko nods, with her whole mane almost floating in the spring’s wind.  
“Good girl. Come on, let’s go home now,” Nagisa says, already starting to pull her by the hand. “See you, Rei-chan.”   
“See you,” Rei hums, and smiles wide at Mamiko as she starts peeping, “bye! Bye!” while waving her hand.   
“Bye, Mamiko-san,” he says.  
“It’s Mamiko!”  
“Okay then. Bye, Mamiko,” says Rei, amused.  
She smiles all bright, as Nagisa shakes his head and glances over at Rei, making a face, and Rei cackles.   
“Byeeeeeeeeee!”   
Rei looks over at the street where they disappeared, before looking back at the pool’s entrance. He completely forgot why he came here - or rather, he got a lot more than expected. He sought out a few fond, nostalgic memories. Not a train hitting him right through the chest.  

It takes a few days. Sure, Rei does not spend them all waiting for Nagisa to call - the companies he’s building relationships with all over the prefecture and Nagasaki already take almost all of his time and there is really little of it left for thoughts about Nagisa, but eventually his phone rings and it’s not someone needing consulence or a work-related call.  
“Hey, Nagisa-kun,” he says, picking up the phone.   
“Hey,” Nagisa says, “Mamiko really wants pizza, but she says you should be here too because ‘you promised’, so what do you say?” Rei can hear fatigue in his voice, so why not? There’s no point in saying no. No reason, either.   
“Sure. I’ll go get it too, so let me know what you want on it.”  
“Oh, just get whatever for me, you know that I don’t care. Mamiko wants…” a sigh breaks up his sentence, and Rei can hear her tiny voice mutter at him, “... ask if they have candy. If they don’t then fries are fine.”   
Rei’s eyebrows shoot up, but all he does is snort out a little laughter.   
“Don’t be like that, candy would almost be the most normal thing I’ve seen you put on pizza,” he replies, and Nagisa lets out a little gasp.   
“Excuse me, but my taste in food is actually _good_.”   
Rei has _opinions_ on that, but after all they’re opinions Nagisa never really cared for, and what reason would he have had for caring anyway?   
“Anyway, I’m on a bus back to Iwatobi. Give me thirty minutes or so, okay?”   
“That’s fine. Thanks, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, and Rei hangs up but keeps looking at the dead screen for a while. He was planning on heating some leftovers up and go straight to bed, but the prospective of seeing Rei again seems to send fresh blood to his feet, like eagerness could truly distribute new resources through his blood vessels and regenerate him.   
He shows up at Nagisa’s door thirty-five minutes later, and Mamiko is the one to open the door with a big, famelic smile.  
“Candy?” She asks, straight up, and Rei smiles down at her. He’s not all that fond of kids, but there’s a warm, rejuvenating energy to that kid that is just too infectious, and there is no doubt that she’s her father’s child.   
“I’m sorry. But I did get candy separatedly, there are fries on your pizza though.”  
Mamiko looks him up and down a moment with her lips pursed as he stands on her home’s doorframe with the pizza boxes in his hands, and finally she steps aside with a wide grin.   
“Cool! Thanks,” she tweets, skipping to the kitchen as Nagisa pops his head out of the room.   
“Oh, hey, Rei-chan. Come here, the table’s ready. Mamiko, wash your hands.”  
“Rei-chan got me candy!” Mamiko chirps instead, vibrating with excitement.   
“I knew he would, but go wash your hands.”  
Mamiko groans all dramatic, but eventually she does, stomping her feet for no other reason than, making noise is just fun.   
Rei smirks at Nagisa, letting the food boxes on the table.   
“Well, wow, she’s just like you,” he comments, and Nagisa snorts out laughter.   
“Yeah… annoying, huh?”   
Rei shakes his head, with a puzzled frown while they settle the pizzas on the table.  
“I never said that.”   
Nagisa scoffs at him, looking at him sideways.   
“Oh, lies. I remember you were always pushing me away the first few weeks,” Nagisa laughs, and then pauses. And then giggles a little bit more, with memories of how he used to be flooding his mind a little bit more. “And I get it.”  
“Well… I didn’t think you were annoying after a while,” Rei corrects himself, tilting his head.   
“Yeah. That means just getting used to someone,” Nagisa says, before Mamiko erupts into the room again.   
“Okaaaaaaay! Pizza.”   
Rei glances over in her direction, and his eyes narrow just a bit as he looks back at Nagisa. He seems to have changed so much, but as soon as he begins throwing crumbs of pizza with his daughter, a light sense of relief spreads in his chest. 

What he didn’t think about was a different point of view. Nagisa is Nagisa and Nagisa has never been anything other than Nagisa. But something happens, and the more he catches certain cues in the words he chooses, his voice, his tiny expressions as they eat and talk about meaningless things - well, Nagisa still does most of the talking anyway - the more Rei’s suspicions are confirmed. It seems there is no room for catching him alone for the whole dinner as the cutlery clinks and taps away and Mamiko fills the air with her sharp, giddy voice, and there is no time for Rei to get lost in thought as she, pretty much, monopolizes their time and attention.   
“Nagisa-kun,” he asks after Mamiko finished a story about school and the swimming team. “Is your wife away?”   
He did notice neither Nagisa nor Mamiko waited before digging in, and after all they did not order any other pizza for dinner.   
And for some reason, a block of ice seems to spontaneously form around both Nagisa and Mamiko. The former looks down to his plate and bites his lip as the child sighs, leaning her cheek on her hand.  
“I-I’m sorry, what…? Was that a bad question?” Rei blubbers, with his cheeks flaring red.  
“Yes,” Mamiko replies, and drops the cutlery on the table. Her lips press together and two big tears form at the corners of her eyes.   
“Why?” Rei asks, looking at Nagisa’s hand with a growing sense of worry in his guts. And yet the ring is there. “What’s going on?”  
Nagisa glances up at him and one of his little melancholic smiles appears on his lips. One of those that suggest a lot of hurt, enough to make his usual joy crack on his face. Rei’s eyes start gradually widening as understanding dawns on him.   
“She’s not here anymore,” Nagisa says, his voice quiet and low as he looks at his ring and starts fidgeting with it. “Yeah, it’s what you think. I’m a widower now.”   
Well, that's another surprise. Rei's eyes blow wide again and his lips part in shock, as his eyes lower and his muscles go rigid with embarrassment, surprise, everything that comes from hearing something like this. And it all gathers and twirls in his stomach, to the point of forming several messy knots.  
Nagisa looks over at Mamiko and ruffles her hair, but it’s a little bit too late before she starts crying and wailing - but he seems prepared to it, like he ran drills for this. He simply grabs her plate and puts her leftovers on it before they go in the fridge, and then takes her in his arms while hushing her gently. Rei looks down to his lap before pushing his chair back and standing up, and then bows his head with his heart thumping painfully in his chest.   
“I’m very sorry!” He says, with his muscles tense and face red.   
“It’s okay,” Nagisa hums, almost absent-mindedly, and looks at him. “Do you want music?” He asks her, and she nods while wiping her face.   
“Yes.”   
Rei looks at them with the rare twist in his guts of not knowing what to say or do, so he just looks over at them while biting down on his lip with the sudden, clear sensation of occupying way too much space.   
Nagisa doesn’t really look at him while setting Mamiko down on the couch and grabbing her pink CD player all covered in colorful stickers, and sets the headphones on her head, making sure her hair don’t get pulled. She presses a button by herself, and soon enough she snuggles hugging her knees, with sniffles and her eyes closed, lulled a bit by some music Rei can’t hear.   
Finally Nagisa looks back at Rei, and gives him a soft, but slightly scrunched smile.   
“It’s okay,” he says, quietly, and sits down by her, gently petting her hair in silence- Rei glances at them a few times, finally grabbing a chair from the kitchen and sitting down as well.  
“I’m really sorry, had I known I wouldn’t have asked,” he says, looking at Mamiko.   
Nagisa shrugs, just a little, and finally looks back at him and Rei knows. The same walls Nagisa’s been putting up between them since they first met, they are still right there.   
“You didn’t know… I didn’t tell you. Honestly,” Nagisa continues, and pushes his hair back, “honestly I didn’t want you to know so that you wouldn’t pity me or something. And honestly, I didn't want to tell you about... any of this.”  
Rei frowns, leaning forward and bracing on his knees. Yes, of course it wasn't very nice to hear, but there must be reasons why Nagisa distanced himself.   
“I’m not pitying you. I’m just sorry. For you and for her. She’s still her mom and… your wife,” he retorts with his heart clenching a little, but keeps looking at Mamiko who’s now hiding her face. “I can’t imagine what she feels like.”   
“Yeah... I worry about it a lot, actually,” Nagisa says, still petting her head quietly. “I had no worries while Minori was around because she was so good at this, but now… I’ve only been doing this for such a short time, and now I don’t have… her,” he adds. “What if I fuck it up? Minori’s not here and she can’t tell me,” he repeats. Rei keeps quiet, allowing him to let it all out. “I mean, I’m- sorry, I don’t want to dump this on you,” says Nagisa, though, looking at him again for a second before turning his gaze away.   
Rei looks at him with a slow, hesitating nod, and all of a sudden some sort of pull seems to force his hand into moving, and it only traves a couple of inches, hesitating in mid-air, with Nagisa’s own hand as its target.   
“I’m okay,” Nagisa says, looking at it for a moment. “Really. You don’t have to worry, I’m just worried for her.” As he looks back at Mamiko, Rei lets his hand drop, shaking his head and with a little frown.   
“Of course you’re not okay, Nagisa-kun. Come on, stop running from me,” Rei says, and Nagisa sighs, clenching his fist.   
“I’m not running from you,” he retorts, leaning his back against the couch. Rei closes his eyes, even if just for a handful of seconds, while breathing in and breathing out.  _ How stubborn _ , just like he once was. He looks over at Mamiko, still with her head buried against her knees and crying a little more quietly now, and scratches his neck. This is not the right time.   
“Anyway, should we do something fun now?” He says loud, and the child raises her head to look at him.   
“Like what?” She asks, now interested, while pushing her headphones off her ears. Rei smirks - like father, like daughter - and he shrugs.   
He can tell both him and Nagisa are tired, and there doesn’t seem to be anything that is particularly fun that wouldn't require too much energy, in Iwatobi. Not that he knows for sure about it - maybe something popped up in the time he spent abroad, but all the places they went to as teens would probably be too crowded and too loud for a child. And too tiring.  
“I don’t know, we could watch a movie.”  
Nagisa eyes him for a few seconds, before ruffling her hair, and looks at his wristwatch.   
“There’s time for one. But not a  _ Studio Ghibli _ one, they’re too long and you have school tomorrow,” he tells her.   
“Okay!” Mamiko chirps, hopping off the sofa while drying her face and humming as she starts scanning the DVD collection to pick a movie she likes. Her finger hovers for a dangerously long time on a comedy horror movie and Nagisa has to say  _ NO _ to it before she can even ask, and finally with a peep she pops in her pick before plopping back on her seat.   
“Godzilla,” Rei guesses, looking at Nagisa.  
“ _ Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla _ ,” he corrects, with a proud beaming smile. “I have the whole collection, from the first movie to  _ Shin Godzilla _ . I mean, it was a collection and on sale, it was clearly calling out to me, specifically.” Just like ten years ago, science fiction and fantasy seem to pick his mood up like very few things, Rei notices.  
The whole movie, Mamiko watches with delight, with little squeals at every shot of “LittleGodzilla!” and giggles at the comically underwhelming explosions.  
“Is this  _ Night on Bald Mountain _ ?” Rei asks, eyeing the screen with his eyes narrowing as sinister violins creep in a flight scene.   
“No, I think it’s a nod to that though,” Nagisa replies, not looking away from the screen.   
“ _ It’s time for you to die _ ,” says the pilot on the screen with the most unconvincing expression, and Mamiko shushes both of them up as she grasps on his dad’s hand.   
“Oh yeah, it’s not Bald Mountain…” Rei hums, and Mamiko squeals again, “LittleGodzilla!”, completely not interested in conversations about the soundtrack or any aspect of the production, just watching with wide eyes and cackling at everything she sees.   
Eventually though, by the time the final battle between Godzilla and SpaceGodzilla ends, she curls up leaning against Nagisa’s arm and barely keeping her eyes open, and before the end titles roll Nagisa picks her up in his arms and goes tucking her into bed, emerging into the livingroom again only to yawn theatrically and smile a bit.   
“That was fun,” he says, while Rei reads the names intently as they roll before him.   
“Oh. Oh, yeah, it was. I never saw this one… or any of the ones past the first and… one of the American versions.”   
Nagisa smiles, a bit softly, and then tilts his head.   
“Well, I didn’t see them all either. But I have them, so I’ll get there at some point.”   
__ 'Maybe we could watch more of them together'. Come on, Rei, say it.  
Instead, a brief silence fills up the room as the DVD player ejects the disc. Finally Rei yawns, rubbing his eyes with fatigue catching up to him.   
“Well, I’m going home,” he says, and for a moment, when Nagisa looks at him, he almost can anticipate him begging him to stay.   
“I owe you, right?” He says, going to grab his wallet.  
“Oh? Oh, no, please. It was on me,” Rei says, shaking his head. “Don’t worry.”  
Nagisa bites his lip, and looks at the leftovers.   
“Well, take yours away at least,” he says.  
“Oh, yeah. Right.”

Rei smiles a little at Nagisa, with his little bag of food in his hand, and makes his way out.  
“By the way,” he says, turning again after one step out of the door, “it seems to me that you’re doing a really good job with her.”  
“You think?”   
Nagisa seems dubious as he looks at Rei with a little frown, then looks down to the ground as he leans to the doorframe.   
“Yeah. You look like a pro at it,” Rei continues, with his smile widening.   
“ _Ha_. Well, if you say so,” Nagisa replies, with a deep sigh, pushing his fingers through his own hair. “So… I don’t think I got this right - are you staying? I mean, in Japan? Because I mean, maybe Mami-chan will want to hang out all together again,” he adds quickly.  
Rei blinks a few times, but then nods.   
“Yes. I’m staying now.”  
Nagisa leans his head to the doorframe as well, and bites his lip a little before giving him a tiny smile.  
“Okay. So I’ll see you.”  
Rei’s chest inflates, but this time the air seems warmer than three hours ago.   
“Sure. I’ll see you. Goodnight, Nagisa-kun.”  
Nagisa’s eyes linger on him as he leaves, and finally takes a long smile as something relaxes inside of him.   


“Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I've been wanting to write about since the idea first popped in my mind. Actually, Mamiko is the character I've been building the story around, and she's heavily inspired by [Tsumugi from Amaama To Inazuma](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNfDw2G6cug) (which I really recommend to anyone who likes cute anime with cute children doing cute things, and also anime heavily centered on food). Her description in this fic is basically... well, she's basically Tsumugi to a T. And she came to my mind as a possible kid for Nagisa because if you've seen the video she's pretty similar to how Nagisa is, personality wise. And I also borrowed the "widower man raising his child alone" concept. Which I mean, I've been pretty fond of since I watched The Holiday. Single dads just do things to me, ok?   
> Also sorry about the late update but as I said, inspiration is fickle and I'm not natively anglophone, so it takes me a while to write in English. Speaking of, I re-read but mistakes probably slipped anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> To be fair I've been thinking about this fic for a while (since before s3 came out at the very least, and I'm glad I waited because now I know who the freshmen are) and I thought, might as well actually get to it. Whether I manage putting all I want into it is merely a matter of how motivated I'll be throughout it and so far I only have this. However, there's an element I'm really eager to insert in the story and you'll know what it is when I actually get off my butt and kick myself into writing. Actually this element is... the whole reason I plotted this story to begin with, honestly. So it's definitely coming, the one thing I have doubts about is whether I'll manage actually getting to the end. Motivation dies out very fast for me, you see.  
> Anyway, I haven't posted anything for a very long time and although I did write other stuff in English I really wasn't confident with it, I might give it all a read again and fix the stuff and post it, maybe. I don't know.  
> Anyway, this first chapter is for a challenge that ends on Wednesday so I had to post it really fast, which is why this first chapter might seem a bit rushed. I don't really have a specific idea of how exactly I want to write this story, so I don't have a schedule and I don't know when I'll have another chapter ready.  
> But I'll try getting to the end of it if it doesn't prove being too complicated for my lazy ass. My writing process really is the definition of laziness and winging it. Sorry y'all.
> 
> Edit: fixed chapter 1's format to make it more readable.


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